New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket
by Raberba girl
Summary: 15 year old orphan Relena moves in with Dorothy, Zechs, and Wufei Sohma, and discovers their mysterious secret: they transform into animals when hugged!
1. Part 1: Episode 1

New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket  
(PROSE VERSION)  
A Gundam Wing/Fruits Basket crossover fanfic by Raberba girl

Author's Notes: This fanfic has been altered to conform to FFdotNet's (very silly) anti-script rule. The original version (which I prefer) is posted on my Web site - see my profile.

**Heero** is Hana, **Duo** is Ayame, **Trowa** is Hatori, **Quatre** is Momiji, **Wufei** is Kyo, **Zechs** is Yuki, **Treize** is Akito, **Relena** is Tohru, **Hilde** would be Mine if I had ever gotten around to that episode, **Dorothy** is Shigure, **Noin** is Uo, **Une** is Hatsuharu, and **Quinze** is Minami.

------------

**Part 1 - Episode 1**

Relena was skipping along on her way to school. "Doodly-doodly-doo!" she sang. "Hi, audience, my name is Relena Darlian! I'm 15 years old, and my dad was killed by terrorists a month ago so now I'm living in a tent! But I'm still happy, happy, happy!"

She stopped when she saw a house. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "Look at the cute little zodiac thingees!"

Dorothy came out, holding a newspaper. "Hee hee hee," she giggled. "How wonderful! A pretty, naïve little girl to terrorize--"

A bookbag suddenly hit her on the head. "Owww!" she wailed, holding her head in pain.

Zechs Sohma, the owner of the bookbag, smiled at Relena. "Don't mind her, she has issues."

_'Waaah!'_ Relena thought._ 'It's Milliardo, the most beautiful and popular guy at my school! All the girls are in love with him! I can't believe I have accidentally stumbled onto his house!'_

Dorothy growled at Zechs, "What do you _have_ in that thing, spare mobile suit parts?!"

"Yes, actually," he answered.

"You freak!" she exclaimed.

He flicked at one of her eyebrows. "Look who's talking."

Relena stared. "Umm..."

Dorothy turned to her, all sparkly and smiling. "Sorry about that. My cousin here is a bit of a jerk. Tried to blow up the Earth once, you know."

"EEEHH?!?!" Relena exclaimed.

"How come no one ever lets me forget that?" Zechs wondered.

"_Any_way," Dorothy continued, "my name's Dorothy Sohma, and this is my cousin Zechs Sohma."

"R-Relena Darlian!" Relena stammered, and thought, _'I can't believe I am talking to these weirdos.'_ "I live nearby," she added out loud.

"Nearby?" Dorothy and Zechs wondered.

Dorothy shook her head. "Whatever. Now go, you two. Walk to school together and bond."

"Riiight," Zechs muttered.

At school, the members of White Fang descended on Relena. "L-O-V-E, love me - Zechsey!"

"You scare me," Relena said.

"How _dare_ you come to school with Zechs?!" Quinze demanded.

Member #1 sighed dreamily. "The Lightning Count is beautiful, sexy, charming in every way..." Then she glared. "He's way too good for the likes of you!"

"You have no right to be with him!" Member #2 thundered. "He is under the protection of White Fang!"

A heavy hand suddenly clamped down on Quinze's shoulder. Noin, looking extremely menacing, loomed up behind him. "Oi," she said darkly. "You give Relena a hard time, I give you a hard time."

"Waaagh!" White Fang screamed.

Quinze stammered, "J-Just 'cause y-you're an ex-Ozzie d-doesn't mean you can p-push us around!"

He was no match, however, for Heero Yuy's silent but effective **--#--#--Death Glare--#--#--**

"EEEEIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!" White Fang shrieked, and ran away.

Noin hugged Relena. "Relenaaa, you okay?"

Relena smiled. "Yes. Thank you, Noin-chan, Hee-chan."

"Humph," Heero grunted. "I don't really like you, you know, I just think that you're the only hope left for world peace."

"Liar," Noin said, grinning.

"Shut up."

"I love my friends!" Relena said happily.

Later, in Let's-Cook-Food class, Relena sighed as she cracked some eggs into a bowl. "Sohma-kun is so lovely...I was so nervous, I couldn't think of anything to talk about on the way to school!"

"I don't like that guy," Heero announced, before accidentally blowing up the pot of whatever he was cooking.

"Geez, not again, Yuy!" a random classmate called out.

"Ha ha ha!" Noin laughed. "I _told_ you to be careful with those grenades."

Heero maintained a dignified silence.

After school, Zechs was standing in front of his locker, looking at a flyer that had been taped to the front of it.

_"Milliardo 'Zechs Merquise' Peacecraft Sohma!"_ the flyer said in big letters. _"Come join us in our super-fun organization, White Fang! You can be leader! Let us blow up Earth together!"_

"Idiots," Zechs muttered. He crumpled up the flyer and threw it away.

Relena wandered around the corner. "Ah! Sohma-kun! Let's walk home together!"

"Why?"

"Because then we can talk about boring zodiac stuff and you can tell me how much you hate cats!"

"But I don't hate cats," Zechs said. "I have a white Persian named Coconut, and I feed her gourmet catfood, and I brush her pretty, long white fur for three hours a day."

"Whose idea was it to volunteer for this fic?" Relena wondered.

Backstage, Duo and Quatre grinned and waved.

As Relena and Zechs walked home from school, Zechs talked a lot. "Cats, zodiac zodiac zodi, zodiaczodiac, zodicat."

"What a fascinating conversation," Relena remarked.

"You look ill," Zechs told her.

"Thanks!"

"Here's a leaf. Bye."

Relena looked at the leaf. "And...what am I supposed to do with this?"

Later, at Relena's press conference, a reporter piped up. "So, Vice Foreign Minister, what do you make of this whole Unified Earth Sphere thing?"

Relena ran around, waving her arms. "I LOVE IT! LET ALL EARTH AND SPACE BE ONE-DESU!"

"My, but she certainly is energetic about her beliefs," a random bystander commented.

Later that night, Dorothy and Zechs were walking home, having just had dinner at a restaurant.

"I hate Earth food!" Dorothy complained. "What happened to all that tasteless colony stuff I grew up on?"

"Why don't you just make your own food, then?" Zechs suggested, annoyed.

Dorothy batted her eyelashes at him. "But you don't like it when I cook."

"That's because you always light candles and play romantic music and strew roses everywhere! It creeps me out!"

Dorothy pouted. "One day, Milliardo-sama, you will surrender to my feminine charms."

Zechs looked at Dorothy's eyebrows and shuddered. At that moment, they both caught sight of Relena trudging back to her tent, and went to investigate.

"Dad," Relena said to her photograph of the previous Vice Foreign Minister Darlian, "I know you weren't my real dad, but I'll talk to you anyway 'cause I like you."

"Relena, you need a life" it answered, although of course she couldn't hear.

Relena decided, "I will go wash my face and make it even prettier than usual!" She crawled out of the tent.

"Eh?" Zechs and Dorothy exclaimed.

"Huh?" Relena said when she saw them standing right in front of her.

Dorothy and Zechs burst simultaneously into laughter. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

"Stop laughing at me!" Relena whined.

They all went back to Dorothy's house, where they sat around the living room table.

Dorothy and Zechs were still giggling. "Hee hee hee hee hee!"

"I SAID STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" Relena roared.

"You're living in a tent," Zechs pointed out.

"Shut up."

"Relena-sama," Dorothy offered, "please spend the night here! You can use my bed."

"But what about you?" Relena wanted to know.

"I'll be sleeping in my bed too, of course."

"I'm going back to my tent," Relena decided.

"Too bad," Dorothy said in a huff. "It's been demolished."

"WHAT?!?!" Relena shrieked. "How do you know that, anyway?!"

"I have spies in places you wouldn't even care to think about!" Dorothy cackled.

Relena fainted.

"Dorothy, you ought to lay off a little," Zechs sighed. "She _is_ my sister, after all.

Dorothy only smiled evilly.

The next morning, Relena woke up and yawned. "Oh look," she realized, "I spent the night at the weirdos' house." Suddenly, she gasped. "AHHH!! MY TENT!! MY STUFF!! IT'S ALL GONE!!"

"Don't freak out," Zechs said, showing up on the porch. "It's all here in these bags."

Relena pulled something out of one of the bags and glomped it. "Oh, my dear hair straightener, I love you! I thought you were gone _forever_!"

_'No comment,'_ Zechs decided.

Dorothy twinkled in.

"Relena-sama," she said enthusiastically, "I have the most wonderful news! You are going to be living here from now on!"

"Why?" Relena wanted to know, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Because I've buried Heero alive somewhere in the backyard and I'm not digging him up until you comply."

"No!" Relena cried. "Hee-chan!"

"She's lying, Relena," Zechs pointed out. "Just go to your new room and accept fate."

In Relena's new room, Zechs went over to the window. "La di da, look at me, I'm opening a window."

There was a pause.

Zechs called louder, "I said I'm OPENING A WINDOW."

There was a shorter pause.

Zechs whispered loudly, "Someone get Wufei out here, he missed his cue!"

Scuffling sounds began coming from the ceiling, and a muffled voice said, "I refuse to cooperate until you show me Treize-- Hey, don't push me! HEY!"

There was a crash. Wufei fell through the ceiling and landed on the floor.

"Ow..." he groaned. He got up and waved his sword around. "Okay, who wants to be skewered?!"

"Chinese madman on the loose! Run!" Relena cried.

"Shut up, woman!" Wufei barked.

He looked around wildly, but didn't see what he was looking for, so he lowered his sword and started to walk away.

"What are you doing?" Zechs said. "You're supposed to fight me."

Wufei growled. "I want to fight Treize. You are not Treize, I have no interest in you."

Zechs sighed. "Fine, then. Wufei, you're a weakling."

Wufei froze. "How dare you call me that?!" He charged at Zechs.

Relena spoke up. "Oh, I have a strange unexplainable urge to hug the Chinese madman!" She ran up and grabbed Wufei from behind.

"Nooo!" Wufei howled. "Woman cooties!" There was a poof.

Dorothy poked her head in. "I heard explosions. Is Heero here?"

"No," Zechs answered.

"Waaahhh!!" Relena screamed. "He's a cat!!" She shook kitty-Wufei.

Dorothy clapped. "Lovely work, Relena-sama!"

Relena got hit on the head by a piece of the ceiling and fell onto Dorothy and Zechs.

Dorothy squealed as she and Zechs disappeared into poofs of smoke. "Whee, here I go!"

"You're enjoying this too much," Zechs pointed out.

Relena found herself face-to-face with a golden dog, a silver-white rat, and a black cat.

"Dad..." she managed to say before swooning, "they all turned into animals..."

_To be continued in Part 2 - Episode 2..._


	2. Part 2: Episode 2

_New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket_, by Raberba girl

**Part 2 - Episode 2**

"SOMEONE HELP!!!!" Relena shrieked. "THEY'RE ALL ANIMALS!!!!"

Outside, a delivery man was approaching the house. "Hum dee dum," he hummed, "look at me, I'm delivering food."

Relena ran to the door. "Look! They're animals!" she cried, shoving the dog, rat, and cat into his face.

"I see that," the delivery man answered. "Pay me, you little twit."

"Go pay yourself, minion!" Dog-Dorothy snapped.

"And you wonder why all the local restaurants are suddenly discontinuing their home delivery services!" he answered, before leaving in a huff.

Relena sank to the ground. "I want to have a hissy fit."

"How stupid and feminine is that!" Cat-Wufei said scornfully.

Dog-Dorothy looked at him irritably. "And seeing as how _you_ throw hissy fits all the time, that would make you...?"

Cat-Wufei flew into a rage and attacked Dog-Dorothy.

"Relena," Rat-Zechs said to her, "we all turn into animals when we get hugged by a person of the opposite sex."

"Even Dorothy?" Relena wanted to know.

Rat-Zechs leaned close and whispered, "Everyone knows she's really a guy in disguise."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Dog-Dorothy shrieked furiously.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one with the gender insecurities, here," Rat-Zechs remarked.

Suddenly, the air was filled with pretty colorful smoke, and then there were three naked people instead of three animals.

Relena screamed.

Dorothy stared at Zechs and licked her lips.

Zechs and Wufei took one glimpse of Dorothy and screamed, "Aaahh! The horror, the horror!" before covering their eyes.

Dorothy, seeing them, got a wicked look in her eye, and Zechs and Wufei cowered.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON ALREADY!" Relena thundered.

Later, everyone was sitting around the living room.

"I've just found out a deep, dark, terrible secret," Relena said.

"That's nice," said Dorothy. "Isn't Wufei stupid?"

Wufei cursed in Chinese.

Zechs said in a bored tone, "You have used improper language in the presence of a lady and now I must fight you in an honorable duel."

"Who's the _lady_ here, exactly?" Wufei wanted to know.

"Hm. You have a point."

"Hey!" Dorothy and Relena growled.

Zechs sighed. "I still have to beat you senseless, though. How about a mobile suit battle?"

"No!" Dorothy insisted. "That will destroy the house!"

"We must use fun swords!" was Wufei's decision.

"Why don't we all just go to school," Relena offered.

Dorothy thought of the high school girls and giggled. "Hee hee hee, how fun!"

"I didn't mean you!" Relena snapped.

At school, Relena came up to her friends and said, "Hey, guess what!"

"What is it, Relena?" asked Noin.

"I'm living with Dorothy, Wufei, and Zechs! Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that!" Relena added cheerfully.

Noin eyes sparkled, and she clasped her hands. "Zechs...it's been three years, five months, two weeks, one day, six hours, eleven minutes, thirty-nine seconds, forty milliseconds..."

"Shoot," Heero muttered. "That means my clock is wrong by three seconds." He changed the time on his computer.

"I love my friends?" Relena wondered.

Later, Relena came out of the girls' dressing room, singing under her breath. _"Just wild beat, communication...let's stay together always..."_

Zechs was leaning against the wall. "Relena," he said.

"Yes?"

He suddenly lunged forward and shoved Relena against the wall.

"Shut up!" he ordered, "Your singing is terrible!"

"But I like those songs," Relena pouted.

"If you try to sing again," Zechs threatened, "your memory will be erased and you will never, EVER remember the lyrics AGAIN!"

"How awful!" Relena cried.

Zechs continued, "One time, when I was little, Treize gave me a special friendship mask, and everyone laughed and told me I had a tin bucket on my head, and ever since then I've been scarred for life!"

"Ha ha ha!" Relena laughed.

"And _another_ time when I was little, a girl hugged me and I turned into a mouse and she took me home and put me in a cage and fed me mouse treats until I got SICK, and I had to pretend to DIE so that I could escape!"

"Ooh, you're giving me ideas," Relena said thoughtfully.

Zechs GLARED.

"Or maybe not."

FLASHBACK:

_Little Zechs is wearing a dorky-looking tinfoil mask. Little Treize, dressed in a dashing outfit as always, is with him. They are surrounded by a crowd of laughing classmates._

_"Treize, am I strange?" little Zechs asks._

_"Yes, Zechs. It is very strange for a boy to wear such a stupid mask."_

_Little Zechs bursts into tears._

END OF FLASHBACK

"Hey, space cadet!" Relena called. She whacked him. "Wake up!"

"Ow!" Zechs complained. "What was that for?"

"I like to see your pain. Oops, did I say that out loud?"

Zechs turned to walk away.

"No, get back here!" Relena cried, and grabbed him.

Zechs poofed into his mouse form. "You moron."

Relena smiled and picked up Rat-Zechs.

"Hey, you know what? I have an idea," she said. "Why don't I take you home, and put you in a cage, and feed you mouse treats until you get SICK--"

"Nooo!" Rat-Zechs cried, and poofed back.

"Phooey," Relena pouted.

Zechs put his clothes back on.

"Your overcoat's not buttoned all the way," Relena pointed out.

"It's _supposed_ to be like that," Zechs said. "It's a military uniform and it looks cool."

"Loser."

At the Sohma Estate, Dorothy and Treize were lounging around a living room of supreme elegance that was probably more expensive than Deathscythe. Treize was balancing a rose upright on his finger.

"Impressive, Treize-sama," Dorothy said admiringly. "You ought to let me videotape that and send it in to Amazing Home Movies."

Treize took on a crafty expression. "Hm, perhaps I can use this 'Relena Darlian' person in my elaborate, twisted plans, which _appear_ at first glance to involve killing as many people as possible, but are _really_ ingenious strategies intended to establish total peace on Earth."

"Do you seriously think that anyone believes that garbage?"

Treize looked troubled. "You mean they don't?"

Later that day, Zechs and Relena got home from school. Relena walked into her room.

"Why are you covering up the hole in my ceiling with bamboo?" she asked.

Wufei hopped down from the stepladder and glared at her. "Because I like it and it's PRETTY." He stalked off.

Relena watched him go wordlessly.

"I'm hoooome!" Dorothy called up the stairs.

"Who cares!" Zechs called from his room.

The next day, the four housemates stood in the kitchen doorway, surveying the Ocean of Filth.

"Hee hee hee, Relena-sama, you get to clean this!" Dorothy giggled.

"You have GOT to be kidding me," Relena said in disbelief.

"Have fun," Zechs said. "I'm going to trim Coconut's claws." He walked off.

"What's wrong, Darlian, afraid to mess up your manicure?" Wufei taunted.

The jokes...they aren't coming...

In the next scene, Zechs and Relena sat down to eat the meal Relena "cooked."

"Mm, mm, mm," Zechs said sarcastically. "Burnt space food, yummy."

"Well excuse me for being a rich girl who never learned how to cook," Relena huffed.

Zechs waited until Relena wasn't looking, then fed his unappetizing meal to the randomly-nearby house plant.

"I will kill you," the house plant said. Zechs didn't hear it, of course.

"By the way," Zechs asked, "where's Dorothy and Wufei?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I don't. I don't know why I asked that. Never mind."

Relena said, "If Dorothy isn't stalking Heero or gushing about the beauty of war, she's probably tricking Wufei into taking a school entrance exam; and if Wufei isn't screaming about injustice or burning something, then he's probably taking the test and not seeing Dorothy cackling with mirth behind his back."

"A mind-reader, are you," Zechs said dryly.

"I try."

"Then maybe you can use your super-duper powers to break into my Secret Base, because otherwise you're NEVER getting in there, neener neener neener!"

"What, you mean that fake garden out in the back that disguises the hangar entrance where you hide Epyon?"

"Nooo!" Zechs cried. "My secret has been revealed!"

"Oh, shut up!" Relena snapped. "As if I haven't had tons of breaking-and-entering practice, because you and your stupid friends used to lock me out of your clubhouse when we were kids in the Sanc Kingdom!"

"Grr," Zechs growled. "No wonder we'd keep coming back to find all our stuff painted pink."

Relena grinned.

The door suddenly ripped open, revealing Hurricane Wufei raging in the doorway.

"Just listen for a minute!" Dorothy insisted.

"UNBEARABLE WOMAN!!!!!" Wufei howled. "I WOULDN'T LISTEN TO YOU FOR A _NANO-SECOND_!!!!!!!" He stormed away.

"Let me guess," said Relena. "You tricked him into taking the entrance exam and now he goes to our school."

"Score, Relena-sama!" Dorothy exclaimed.

"Yay!" Relena cheered. "Oooh, I'm the best, yo!" She flashed a victory sign.

"Ugh," Zechs muttered.

"Hey Dorothy," Relena suddenly noticed, "you're wearing - pants."

"Yellow pants," Zechs sighed.

"Cute, right?" Dorothy giggled and twirled around. "By the way," she added, "Wufei's living here now."

"This news is supposed to make me angry," Zechs said, "yet all I feel is a strange sense of resignation."

"That's what comes of being in this fic for too long," Relena commented.

On the roof, Wufei was mumbling to himself. "Nataku...someday we will beat Treize, and then we will become a _true_ member of Mariemaia's army..."

In the house, Dorothy was explaining. "A while ago, Wufei was getting all depressed and disillusioned, so he allowed himself to be captured by OZ for four months in a vain effort to become stronger. He is absolutely determined to beat Treize-sama, which is dumb because he should be concentrating on beating Milliardo-sama instead."

"Stupid Wufei," Zechs said. "He never cooperates."

At school, Wufei was sitting at a desk, surrounded by oogling girls.

"Ooh!" one of them squealed. "Look at his cute little pigtail!"

"Let's cut it off!" another girl suggested eagerly.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Wufei shouted. He ran to the window and jumped out. His leg broke.

"Stupid Wufei," Zechs muttered.

"Oooowww!!!!" Wufei burst into a string of curses. "I _knew_ I shouldn't have tried that without my motorcycle!"

"I hope that boy never becomes my friend," Relena said in disgust.

_To be continued in Part 3 - Episode 6..._


	3. Part 3: Episode 6

_New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket_, by Raberba girl

**Part 3 - Episode 6**

Relena and Dorothy were eating breakfast.

"Hey Dorothy," Relena remarked, "Heero and Noin probably know where I'm living by now. Their information sources are quite extensive."

Dorothy salivated at the thought of Heero storming into the house, waving guns and demanding that Relena be returned to him unharmed.

"Ugh..." Relena groaned.

"What," Dorothy said, "did I say that out loud?"

"No! You didn't need to!"

Later, at school, Relena was hanging out with her friends.

"So Relena," Noin asked a little too casually, "did you arrange that little meeting with the Sohmas for us yet?" She cracked her knuckles menacingly. Heero giggled scarily as he worked on his laptop.

"Yes," Relena said apprehensively. "Please don't kill them. Milliardo is my brother, and I'm sure that there's a good reason the other two ought to stay alive...if I can just think of it..."

The next day, after school, Dorothy sang happily as she wiped the living room table. _"Heero's coming to visit, Heero's coming to visit! Nice strong muscles and hidden weapons, ooh how I--"_ Relena threw a couch pillow at Dorothy's head.

The doorbell rang. "They're here!" Relena exclaimed. "All of you pretend you're normal!" she ordered, then ran to answer the door.

"Feh," Wufei scoffed. "I am _super_-normal."

Zechs glanced at him. "As opposed to what, _ab_normal?"

"Yes," Wufei answered.

Relena's voice could be heard faintly from the front hall. _"Noin-chan, Hee-chan! Come on in! No, wait, Hee-chan, don't take that apart. I assure you, it's not bugged. Ack, Noin-chan, put that knife away! Honestly, guys!"_

"I have a bad feeling about this," Wufei muttered.

"I can't imagine why," Zechs said sarcastically.

"Now remember," Dorothy cautioned cheerfully, "we _must_ keep the zodiac thing a secret from Heero and Noin."

"Or else, what?" Wufei said. "Relena loses her memory and has to go live somewhere else?"

The three of them suddenly got thoughtful looks.

"Wufei," Zechs said, "you are a genius."

Dorothy settled for an enthusiastic hug. "Yucky!" Wufei howled.

"A Gundam," droned a voice behind them. The three Sohmas freaked out, thinking of Epyon and Shenlong hidden in the underground hangar.

Heero pointed at a Wing Zero action figure displayed on a shelf. "I have that one," he clarified.

The Sohmas let out huge sighs of relief.

Relena gestured around. "I would introduce everyone, but you guys pretty much know each other."

Dorothy batted her eyelashes seductively at Heero, Wufei gave Noin a contemptuous look, and Heero and Zechs glared at each other. Eventually they all sat down and made themselves comfortable.

"So, Zechs," Noin said conversationally, "what do you do for a living?"

Zechs grinned. "I write you love-letters."

Noin squealed. "Oh, that is so SWEET!"

Dorothy looked at the guests. "And what about you guys?" she asked.

"I blow things up and assassinate people," Heero intoned. Dorothy gave him an adoring look.

"I'm bored," Wufei announced. "I want noodles."

"Oh," Zechs put in, "but we never heard the _fascinating_ story of how Relena met her dear friends."

"Well," she started, "I first met Hee-chan when he washed up on a beach and attempted to commit suicide, after which he hijacked an ambulance and drove off. I met Noin-chan just after I shot at Colonel Une from close range and missed."

Everyone sweatdropped.

Later, Relena, Heero, Noin, Zechs, and Wufei found themselves playing cards.

Noin smirked. "Yo, Wuffie. You may have the advantage when it comes to blowing up military bases, but _I've_ got what it takes to whup you at _Dai Hin Min_."

Wufei slammed down his cards. "I don't fight bleeding hearts or women." He got up from the table.

"Hey," Noin exclaimed, "where are you going?!" She ran to block his way.

"I'm going to the bathroom!" Wufei insisted.

"Not if I can help it!" Noin stormed, and somehow ended up hugging him in the ensuing scuffle.

Wufei poofed into a cat. "You did that on purpose!" he whined, and ran off to sulk.

"Now look what you did," Zechs sighed.

"Won't he come back once he sulks long enough?" Noin wondered.

"Only after a bunch of guerilla fighters have to die in his arms," Heero pointed out.

Noin sniffed. "Hn. Too bad. Let's play something else." Unfortunately, at that moment she tripped on Wufei's clothes.

"Noin-chan!" Relena cried, rushing to catch her. She slipped. "Ack!" They crashed to the floor.

"You were supposed to catch me!" Relena whined at Zechs.

"Oh, was I?" Zechs said, a bit too innocently. "Must have slipped my mind."

"Just for that-!" Relena yelled, and glomped him vindictively.

Zechs poofed into a mouse. Heero instantly pulled a gun on him.

"Don't shoot! It's me, Zechs!"

"I know," Heero said coolly, and fired.

Rat-Zechs dodged and fled under the house, where Cat-Wufei had gone to sulk. "You're not Nataku!" Cat-Wufei yelled. "Go away!"

"I can't, Baka-neko, I won't have any clothes if I transform back!"

"Yay!" Dorothy cheered.

"I thought we got rid of you," Noin said, disappointed.

Dorothy looked at her haughtily. "You thought, and you were wrong. That's the problem you have with thinking, Noin. If I were you, I just wouldn't do it."

"Heero," Noin said without missing a beat, "give me your gun."

Heero hugged it protectively. "What kind of soldier doesn't carry around a gun?" he shot back.

Noin looked thoughtful. "Good point," she said, and pulled one out of nowhere.

Dorothy gasped. "Milliardo-sama, Wufei! Quick, transform back to distract her!"

Rat-Zechs called back from under the porch, "That's not exactly something you can do at will!"

Relena sighed and said to Dorothy, "I'm...supposed to hug you now, but I feel strangely reluctant."

Dorothy grinned. "Well then, I'll just have to hug _you_!" Relena screamed, and Dorothy proceeded to chase her around the house.

"They're not looking," Heero observed.

"Quick, plant the bugs!" Noin said excitedly.

Dorothy finally succeeded, and came ambling back into the room with a satisfied look on her doggy face. "So anyway, back to- What are you two doing?"

"Nothing!" Noin insisted. Heero merely grunted.

Relena walked in, rubbing her arms disgustedly. "I am never letting that freak touch me agai- EEEKK! ROACHES!" She immediately jumped onto a chair.

Zechs walked in, buttoning his overcoat. "Why are there bugs all over the living room?"

Noin shot Heero an exasperated look. "We...er...had a bit of a problem with homonyms."

Heero glared. "Just so you know, I am trained in the use of both kinds of bugs."

"How are ROACHES useful in a war?!" Relena screeched.

Heero pointed at her standing on the chair. "For one thing, let them loose in an OZ base and that's half the personnel out of commission already."

"But that doesn't help us here!" Noin yelled.

Zechs raised an eyebrow. "And you wanted to bug our house, why?"

Noin blushed and looked away, thinking of all the footage she could have gotten of Zechs.

One of the insects started crawling up the chair leg, and Relena shrieked. "Milliardo, save me!" She fell into his arms, causing yet another transformation.

"Relena," Rat-Zechs moaned, watching his clothes once again drop to the floor, "do you realize how _long_ it takes to get that costume on?"

"I can help you dress when you change back again!" Dog-Dorothy offered brightly.

"Save me!" Rat-Zechs squeaked. He fled into the bushes outside.

There was a pause.

Relena finally said, "Do we _really_ want to see Dorothy doing what she's supposed to do next?"

Noin and Heero frantically shoved the sun below the horizon so everyone could go to bed and be spared the scene in-between.

That night, Relena sat watching as Heero closely inspected the room. "Hee-chan," she pointed out, "just so you know, Milliardo and Wufei have already installed a high-tech security system and three alternate escape routes."

"Doesn't matter," Heero grunted. "OZ could attack at any time, and we must be prepared."

"Yeah," Relena agreed sarcastically. "Too bad we left them in another anime."

"This bed sure is pink," Noin commented. "Did Zechs buy it?"

"Are you serious?" Relena laughed. "Of course not!"

"Oh, good!" Noin said, relieved. "I was starting to re-think my plans to marry him."

Heero walked over to where the girls were perched on the bed in their nightclothes. "The room is secure," he announced.

"So..." Relena said slowly, "now we all go to bed?"

"Wait a minute..." Noin realized.

The next morning, Wufei went out for his morning exercises and saw Heero curled up on the porch. "You let them throw you out?" he scoffed, kicking him.

Heero glared. "I'd like to see you do better," he grumbled.

"Against women?" Wufei laughed scornfully. "No problem!"

Relena and Noin loomed up behind him.

Later, in the kitchen, Zechs trudged in, hair mussed up and eyes sealed shut. He waited. "You know," he said after a minute, "I'm not going to collapse forward onto empty air." He looked up. "What did you guys do to Wufei?"

"Oh, you know," Relena said cheerfully. "The usual."

Zechs turned pale and raced off to rescue Wufei.

"Huh," Noin remarked. "Never saw _that_ one coming."

Heero shivered. "Even _I_ have pity for the poor soul."

Noin clapped her hands together in a business-like way. "Well, that was fun. Relena, you seem to be in good hands with Zechs and Wufei!"

Relena burst into laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" Noin wanted to know.

"It was a joke, right?"

_To be continued in Part 4 - Episode 7..._


	4. Part 4: Episode 7

_New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket_, by Raberba girl

**Part 4 - Episode 7**

Zechs was leading a class meeting. "So," he began, "what kind of project should our class do for the school cultural festival?"

"How about a Make Your Own Bomb stand?" Heero suggested.

The class gasped in shock.

_"Oh no!"_ Relena thought._ "Hee-chan will get in trouble! I must distract everyone!"_ She stood up. "We should do a riceball stand! We can shape them to look like the G-boys' heads, and we'll sell out within an hour!"

The girls in the class cheered wildly.

"And we'll shape some of them to look like Gundams, too," Noin added.

The boys in the class cheered wildly.

"That's a dumb idea," Quinze snapped. "Relena Darlian is stupid." Everyone pelted him with notebooks and erasers, because they hate Quinze more than they hate Relena.

"Wow..." Relena murmured, relieved. "That was refreshing."

Wufei sniffed. "Well, _I_ think we should do a Riceball Battle. The ones with justice on their side will be STRONG! The winners get to eat the riceballs, and the girls-- I mean, the losers get to cry." All the girls grabbed the notebooks and erasers off of Quinze to hurl them at Wufei.

Zechs sighed. "Anyway, we ought to do something interesting but _normal_, like making some of the riceballs with weird flavors."

Everyone immediately cheered. "What a wonderful idea, Zechs! We adore you!"

Zechs turned to Wufei expectantly, but the Chinese boy only groaned. Irritated, Zechs ordered, "Someone haul all that junk off him so he can keep to the script!" The students did so, reluctantly. Zechs then continued with his lines. "I am so jealous of Wufei."

Relena gave him a look. "My dear brother, you sounded wholly unconvincing when you said that."

"So sue me."

A bunch of Zechs's classmates came up to him. "Zechs," a girl cooed, "how do you keep your hair so long and pretty?"

"Zechs," another one fawned, "I do so admire that tin can on your head!"

"It's a _helmet_," Zechs said firmly.

"Zechs," one of the boys spoke up, "I've always admired you for being able to pilot Tallgeese when anyone other than the G-boys would have a heart attack and die if they tried it!"

"Zechs, you're the coolest!"

"Argh!" Wufei suddenly yelled. "There's cats all over me! Get 'em off!" He fled, shedding kitties as he went.

At the cultural festival, Relena looked over her shoulder and frowned. "Wufei! Stop eating all the rice, we're trying to sell that!"

"Go whine to someone else, woman," he grumbled.

Relena sighed and looked over at Zechs, who was wearing a dress and posing prettily for a bunch of girls with cameras. "Well," she remarked, "there go my chances of being a respected world leader. People would forgive me for having a soldier for a brother, but this..."

A high-pitched voice suddenly cut through the air. "Zeechseey!"

There was a sound of running footsteps, and an adorable yellow-haired child jumped onto Zechs's shoulders. "Hey, Zechs!" he exclaimed. "You look like a girl!"

"You're one to talk, Quatre," Zechs muttered.

"Quatre?" Relena wondered.

Wufei looked on in mild horror. "Oh no, it's the wuss."

A man walked up, one eye obscured by the long hair combed over his face. "Quatre," he admonished, "you said you'd be good if I let you come."

"I _am_ being good!" the child insisted. "I haven't touched Wing Zero, I swear!"

The man sighed.

A bunch of girls came up, squealing. "Oooh, they are so cute!"

Quatre smiled and bowed charmingly. "My name is Quatre Raberba Winner Sohma! This is Trowa Barton Sohma! We're relatives of Zechs and Wufei! I am so pleased to meet you all! Let's be friends!"

For the girls, it was instant love.

"Are they really your cousins, Wufei?" Relena asked.

Wufei looked startled. "I hope not."

Trowa took out a stethoscope and headed toward Zechs. "I need to check your bronchial tubes."

"I will blow you up if you try," Zechs threatened icily.

"..."

"Sohma-kun," Relena cut in hurriedly, "you have weak bronchial tubes?"

"Of course not!" Zechs cried. "I'm an honorary Gundam pilot! Far be it from me to have any kind of physical weakness!"

Relena nodded, grinning. "Ah. That means all you have to worry about are battle wounds and insanity."

"Er...right."

Trowa turned to Relena. "So, you're Relena Darlian, I presume."

"Yes," she answered, and curtsied politely.

"Huh. I thought you'd be scarier-looking."

Relena growled.

"Hey!" Wufei suddenly exclaimed, noticing what Quatre was up to. "What are you doing, little brat?!"

"I'm eating all your rice! Yay!" Wufei jumped on him. "Wah! Wufei's hitting me!"

"So Trowa," Zechs asked, "why are you and Quatre here?"

"Well, Treize wanted to come, but then he and Wufei would have gotten into a fight and wrecked everything, so I made him stay home. I'm supposed to be looking after Quatre."

Zechs watched Wufei and Quatre scuffle. "You're doing a splendid job," he commented sarcastically.

"...In case you were worried," Trowa added, "I'm not going to do anything to Relena Darlian."

Zechs looked disappointed.

Wufei managed to drag Quatre behind a curtain. "You leave my rice alone."

"Phooey," Quatre pouted. Relena came up. "Yay, it's Relena! Can I guard your country again? That was fun. At least, it was until you turned yourself in and betrayed us all. Hey, you know about the zodiac thing, right?"

"Yes."

"That means I can hug you!" He glanced apprehensively at Wufei. Wufei, however, was throwing rice grains in the air and seeing how many he could chop in half with his sword, showing no intention of trying to stop him. Quatre shrugged and glomped Relena, with the resultant poof.

Everyone ran behind the curtain and found Relena sprawled on the ground, holding a yellow rabbit.

"Wah!" the girls exclaimed. "Here are Quatre-kun's clothes! He must be naked somewhere!" There were delighted squeals.

"We're in trouble," Trowa observed calmly.

Zechs dutifully went into his act. "I am depressed. I want to end all war for all time, but I can't quite think of the best way to go about it..." Everyone gasped and ran over to stop him from deciding that the best way would be to destroy the Earth in order to teach mankind that war is bad.

Relena seized the opportunity to run to the roof with Bunny-Quatre.

On the roof, Wufei went into another rant. "You little moron! Don't transform at school!"

"Waagh, Wufei's yelling at me!" Bunny-Quatre wailed fakely.

Relena was hugging him, reveling in his cuteness. "Aw, you're so soft!"

"By the way," Trowa said, "Wufei and Zechs, there's something I forgot to do. Stand together there, against the fence."

"No," they answered.

"It's Treize's orders," Trowa added.

Wufei and Zechs stood together against the fence. They were startled by the sudden click of a camera in Trowa's hand.

"See you later," Trowa said. He collected Bunny-Quatre and walked off.

"Bye-bye!" Bunny-Quatre called, waving over his shoulder.

Later, Trowa made Relena come visit him at the Sohma Estate, where he and Quatre told her about all of Heero's best hiding places.

"Because true love conquers all, and you two are meant to be together!" Quatre chattered eagerly to Relena. She was listening intently with a half-dreamy, half-determined look.

"Heero will never forgive us, though," Trowa murmured. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep quite as well at night anymore."

_To be continued in Part 5 - Episode 13..._


	5. Part 5: Episode 13

_New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket_, by Raberba girl

**Part 5 - Episode 13**

It was the first day of spring term. Relena was in the classroom, gushing happily to Noin, Heero, and Wufei, who looked bored.

"All the new freshmen are so cute!" Relena remarked happily.

Wufei looked thoughtful. "I just realized that 'freshmen' kind of sounds like 'fresh meat.'"

"So Relena," Noin asked, "where is the Lightning Count?"

"Um..."

They all looked over to where Zechs was being mobbed by fangirls. "Help me!" he yelled. "Please! Relena, I'm your brother! Noin! Wufei! ANYONE!"

Noin gave a little sob. "Even for you, my darling Zechs," she murmured, "that is the one hazard I dare not brave."

"By the way, Relena," Heero spoke up, "I noticed that the Catalonia girl was at the opening ceremony."

Relena looked surprised. "Surely that's not _all_ you noticed?"

Heero started to name off every single person in attendance, plus what they were wearing and how many times the school crest appeared on the decorations, but Relena stopped him.

"_Anyway_, yes, Dorothy was there because two of the freshmen are also Sohmas."

"What?" Noin exclaimed. "More of them? Like we don't have enough already! Boys or girls?"

"Boys," Relena supplied.

Noin shook her head. "Of course. This is a _shoujo_ series, after all."

Relena quirked an eyebrow. "Are you talking about Fruits Basket or Gundam Wing?"

Noin smirked. "Both."

Heero ignored them and announced, "We must meet these newcomers and make sure they are not enemy spies. Wufei, go find them and bring them here."

"No way," Wufei snapped. "That Quatre child frightens me."

Noin's expression turned crafty. "Lady Une is with him. You know, Treize's woman?"

Wufei's eyes blazed. He snatched up his sword and ran off. Relena hurried after him, and they wandered around hallways for a bit.

Just then, a high-pitched voice called delightedly, "Releeeena! Wufeeeeii!"

Wufei's jaw dropped.

"Why, Quatre!" Relena exclaimed as the boy ran up to them. "You're wearing the girls' uniform!" She managed to smile fakely.

"Isn't it cute on me?" Quatre said, beaming.

"Um..."

"Change clothes at once!" Wufei demanded furiously. "You are an insult to masculinity!"

"What is 'masculinity'?" Quatre wanted to know.

Lady Une and Zechs walked up.

"It means macho," the Lady informed Quatre. "Hello, everyone. Isn't world peace wonderful?"

At that moment, the class president showed up and started making lots of noise. "Quatre looks like a girl!" he raged. "Une shouldn't be dressing like a punk at school!"

Une, looking irritated, started to braid her hair and tie it up into buns.

"Heavyarms is a stupid color!" the class president continued obliviously. "This whole war is stupid! Treize should leave us alone and go learn to knit socks or something! You might as well too, Zechs! Do us all a favor!"

"Shut up." Une's voice was soft, and quite dangerous.

"Uh oh," Relena noticed apprehensively. "The music's starting."

"She's put her classes on," Zechs warned, and dove for cover.

"Excuse me?" the class president said sharply to Une.

Colonel Une smiled evilly and pushed her glasses up her nose. "You are REALLY getting on my nerves."

"Hey!" the class president cried as she drew something from her clothing. "No guns allowed at school!"

"In the name of Treize-sama!" Colonel Une declared, and aimed.

_The colonel has descended..._

The class president ducked. His tie flew up as he did so, and Colonel Une promptly blew a hole in it.

"EEEP!" he shrieked. "I am too scared even to protest that that was my best tie!" He fled. Relena took the opportunity to snatch the glasses off Une's face.

Lady Une blinked. "Oh? What just happened?" She smiled. "Hello, Relena. Would you like to lead a conference discussing peace on earth and mass distribution of puppies, rainbows, and glitter?"

"Er, maybe later. We have to get to class."

"Oh, wait!" Quatre suddenly remembered. "I have something to tell you, Zechs and Wufei!"

"No, Quatre," Zechs said promptly, "I do not want to have a tea party at your house on Saturday."

"You don't? Aw... Oh, wait, but that was not what I was going to say!"

"I don't want non-alcoholic beer, either."

"Nope, that wasn't it, either! Guess again!"

"Argh! Just tell me!" Zechs demanded.

"Okay," Relena cut in, "I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to mess up my perfect attendance record. I'll see you later."

"Bye-bye!" Quatre said cheerily.

"Teacher's pet," Zechs muttered. Relena stuck her tongue out at him and left.

"Anyway," Quatre continued, "I have a wonderful surprise! Treize has come to school!"

"Oh no," Zechs said.

Lady Une gasped. "Treize-sama!"

Wufei's eyes gleamed as he roared with joy and raced off to get his sword out of his locker.

Meanwhile, outside, Relena had stopped to stare at a mysterious handsome person who appeared to be watching her.

Treize smiled a little and approached. "Hello, Relena."

"Hello. Good grief, your charisma! It's raising the hairs on the back of my neck!"

Treize struck a show-off pose and smiled confidently.

"You know," Relena reminded him, "the last time we met, you kicked me out of office."

"My apologies, Relena," he replied in as suave a voice as is humanly possible. "You are very cute."

"Is that supposed to make me flustered?"

"Er...yes."

"Sorry. It doesn't have quite the same effect as if it had come from Heero."

Treize looked disappointed.

Wufei ran up. "Treize! Fight me!"

Treize pulled out a sword. Wufei ran at him. Treize quickly disarmed him. Wufei cried and ran away. Treize calmly put his sword away. "Sorry about that, Relena," he said smoothly.

Lady Une ran up. "Treize-sama! How I have missed you and longed for you!" She threw herself into his arms.

Treize smiled at her with gentle reproach. "Lady, have you been shooting guns at school again?"

Apprehensively, Lady Une answered, "...Yes."

Treize gave her a fake disappointed look. "Lady, that was naughty. And also perfectly useless to my plans. Go to your room and think over what you have done, and how you can serve me better next time." Lady Une burst into tears and ran off.

"Wow," Relena commented sarcastically. "You have a real talent there."

Treize shrugged. "Practice makes perfect."

Zechs came up. "Get away from my sister, Treize."

Treize smiled widely, then paced elegantly toward his old friend with open arms. "Milliardo, my dear friend!"

"Hi," Zechs returned stiffly.

"You know Milliardo," Treize said thoughtfully, "I don't remember ever giving you permission to come back from the dead."

Defensively, Zechs answered, "You said _Zechs Merquise_ had to die. You didn't say anything about Milliardo Peacecraft."

Treize smiled knowingly. "Ah, but now you are parading through this fic with the name Zechs."

Zechs's lower lip started to tremble.

Treize continued, "Even at the end of Gundam Wing, you joined White Fang and became its leader under the name Zechs Merquise, didn't you?"

"You're not the boss of me!" Zechs cried. "You're mean! I don't like you!" He ran away, crying.

"And Treize strikes again," Relena observed. "You know that now I can't play badminton with them, right, which is how this episode is supposed to end?"

"Oops," Treize said, though he did not look sorry at all. "Would you like to play with me instead?"

Relena shrugged. "Oh, why not."

_To be concluded in Part 6 - Episode 14..._


	6. Part 6: Episode 14

_New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket_, by Raberba girl

**Part 6 - Episode 14**

It was a beautiful day, and Relena and Zechs were out working in the garden. "Why are we doing this, again?" Zechs asked.

"Because it's in the script," Relena answered warningly.

Zechs sighed. "I should be up to my elbows in grease and Gundanium, not mud and plants," he complained, then left in a huff.

"Hey," Relena cried, "_I'm_ supposed to leave first! Get back here!" She ran after him.

Presently, they came across some discarded clothes on the ground. Relena picked them up. "What in the world? Is there a naked priest running around here somewhere?"

Zechs burst into laughter.

Suddenly, a snake zoomed up out of nowhere and zipped up into Relena's shirt!

"EEEEEEEEKKK! PERVERT!" She ripped the snake out and smashed its head.

"Ow..." Snake-Duo groaned. "What the heck does Heero see in you?!"

Zechs started ticking points off on his fingers. "Let's see, they're both violent, they both like to end wars, they both like to cause wars, they both like guns..."

Snake-Duo rolled his eyes. "All right, all right, I get the picture, match made in heaven and all that."

Back at the house, it was daily life as usual.

"I'm hungry!" Wufei complained.

"There's some hot dogs in the fridge," Dorothy offered.

"Gross! I do not eat your American hot dogs, woman!"

"Does this look like a restaurant? Find something yourself, then!"

"Fine!" Wufei went to microwave some egg rolls.

Just then, Relena stormed in and threw the battered snake on the floor. "Burn this thing, now!"

"Woman! Get that unsanitary thing away from my egg rolls!" Wufei snapped.

Dorothy gave the snake an uninterested look and turned back to her research on Heero and Quatre.

Snake-Duo sniffled theatrically. "Nobody loves me...I wish Quatre was here. Or even some fangirls. Then again, maybe not." He crawled off into a dark room to recover.

Later, Zechs was explaining the situation. "Duo is the Snake, and he's my older brother. Even though he's 15 and I'm 19."

Relena frowned. "Wait, if Duo is your brother, wouldn't that make him _my_ brother, too?"

In the next room, Duo poofed back into human form. "Ha ha ha! Of course, my dear Relena! Oh man, 'dear' and 'Relena' in the same sentence, that was vile... (cough) Anyway, gaze upon my loveliness!" He slid open the door and posed like the hottie he is, with his long hair draped everywhere.

Relena stared, open-mouthed. Zechs rushed to cover her eyes. "You _perv_! I'll have you executed for that!" he snarled.

"Oh dear," Relena murmured. "I think that one look just cost me my virginity..."

Duo grinned cheerfully. "Whoops, did I forget to put my clothes on first? Silly me!" He went back to get dressed.

Dorothy snorted. "Hmph. Heero's better."

"Of course," Duo muttered, irritated. "Heero Yuy is _always_ better at _everything_." He came back out with a big, obnoxious smile. "Hello, Wuffie!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Okay, Wuffie."

"Stop!"

Duo turned to Zechs. "Why, Zechsey! I haven't seen you since New Year's!" He gazed seductively at Zechs as rose petals began to fly past. Zechs responded with a revolted look. As the rose petals abruptly stopped, Duo looked disgusted. "Aw, forget you then. Man, this fic's no fun without Quatre. Where is Quatre, anyway?"

Quatre hopped out from backstage. "I'm here!"

"Yay! Let's go out to eat! You can pay because you're rich!"

"Okay!" Quatre agreed readily. They skipped out together.

"Hey!" Relena yelled after them. "_I'm_ supposed to get the free lunch! Come back, you fruits!"

"Basket!" Zechs supplied.

"Shut up!" she snapped back.

At the restaurant, Duo finished braiding his hair, then turned to Quatre. "Okay then, whatcha want to eat?"

"Gummy Bears!"

"Okay, and I'll have waffles with strawberry syrup!"

The waiter gave them a strange look. "You two are weird."

The boys responded with bright grins, and then Duo turned to his fellow G-boy. "Oh, by the way, Quatre, there is a rift between Zechs and me, a chasm between myself and my brother that grows ever larger, despite all my efforts to close it. I harbor deep feelings of guilt about the indifferent way I treated my brother in the past, and now the thought of loneliness so terrifies me that I wish to make it up to my baby brother and not let him go through that pain anymore."

Quatre stared, open-mouthed. "That is soooo sad!" He burst into tears.

"On the other hand, my so-called 'brother' is a G-boy wannabe who has an obsession with Heero, and decided in the end to turn Earth into a ball of lifeless dust. I'm thinking now I like that rift exactly where it is."

"Oh. Well, that's okay then! Hey look, our food is ready!"

"Whoo hoo!" Duo cheered, and they dug in.

Later, Relena glared as the two bishounen returned home in a cheerful mood. "So," she said coldly, "did you have a nice time?"

Duo flashed a victory sign.

"Hey Relena, I brought you the leftovers!" Quatre offered. He proudly presented the take-home box filled with mushy globs of syrup-saturated, gummy-bear-infested pancakes.

"That's...that's okay, Quatre, I suddenly don't have much of an appetite."

Quatre turned to Zechs, looking upset. "Hey Zechsey, do you really hate Duo?"

"No. He is only a minor annoyance compared to, say, Treize. Or Dorothy. Or fangirls."

The next morning--

Oh yes, all you yaoi fans would just _love_ to have Wufei waking up to find Duo in his bed. Nyah!

Later, at breakfast, Relena studied Duo curiously as she ate. "Hey Duo, you have more bruises than usual today."

"Wufei's mean," Duo grumbled.

"If you try that again, Maxwell, we'll see if your 'deal with death' still holds up."

"Hey, anything that could get me through the Maxwell Church Massacre can certainly hold up to _you_."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe it is, _Wuffie_!"

"You pretty-boy weakling!"

"Psycho misogynist!"

"Braided baka!"

"Baka-neko!"

"Double-baka!"

"Triple-baka!"

"Million-bazillion-baka!"

"Deathscythe can trounce Shenlong any day!"

"It's NATAKU!"

"Might as well be Nata-_poo_!"

Wufei charged at him with a wordless roar of rage.

Relena stared. "Good grief, that's a better Yuki/Kyo fight than _you_ ever managed to pull off, Milliardo."

Zechs shrugged. "Except Duo's getting trounced by Wufei. Oh, wait-- wow, I never thought of hiding _that_ in a braid. I must file that away for future reference."

"What?! Do you realize how dangerous it is to have something like _that_ wound up in your hair?!"

"But Duo's winning now, isn't he?" Zechs said defensively.

Quatre ran up from offstage again. "Hey! You shouldn't be fighting at all!"

Later, at school, the kids were hanging out. "I haven't seen Duo since New Year's!" Quatre remarked cheerfully.

Relena glared. "Liar. You just saw him yesterday, when you stole my free lunch."

Quatre looked only mildly interested. "Oh yeah. So, how is Zechsey handling Duo's visit?" he asked.

Relena shook her head. "Well, the morning fights over who gets the bathroom first are nastier. I swear, Duo takes more time in there than my brother and Dorothy combined!"

Lady Une was playing with a butterfly nearby. She watched it flit around her cupped hands happily. Then she put on her glasses and ripped the butterfly's wings off. Quatre cried.

"Une, take those glasses off _right now_," Relena ordered.

"Party pooper," Colonel Une grumbled. She took them off. "Hey look, there's Zechs. Maybe if I follow him around long enough, he'll lead me to Treize-sama."

"I don't think so," Relena said quickly.

"Hey," Quatre spoke up, "did you know that Duo and his assistant Hilde run a junk shop that caters to men with unusual tastes in romance?"

Relena and Lady Une stared at Quatre.

"Please, Quatre!" Relena groaned. "I do NOT want to hear any more!"

Lady Une, however, was looking thoughtful. "Hm...sounds like an interesting place, I may check it out."

Relena gave her a look of disbelief, then said, "Go with Dorothy, I'm sure the two of you will have a great time. Even better, take Wufei along."

That same day, when Relena, Zechs, and Wufei got home from school, they entered their home and--

"Oh no," Wufei said in dismay. "The American is still here."

"Hi, guys!" Duo greeted them cheerfully. "It's so awesome that I don't have to go to school, even though I'm 15!"

"Stop rubbing it in," Relena muttered.

"Hey, you want to see some pictures?" Duo offered. Dorothy was sitting next to him, eagerly poring over pictures taken of Heero when he was drunk at a party.

"Yes! Very much!" Relena exclaimed. She joined Dorothy in drooling over the drunk Heero pictures.

"What about you, Zechsey?" Duo asked.

"No thanks."

"Aw. Well then, I'll just have to tell you dumb stories instead!"

Zechs groaned.

"Once upon a time, Sister Helen wanted to cut my hair, but I said no, so she braided it instead!"

"That's it? No flashing lights and obnoxious music?"

"They're trying to save on production costs."

"Tell the second story so you can leave," Wufei ordered.

Duo grinned. "You mean the one where we got Sally to dress up like Meiran and--"

"NO!" Wufei bellowed, and started chasing Duo around the house.

Zechs looked at Relena. "And I thought having _you_ for a sister was embarrassing."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said indignantly.

A calm voice suddenly said, "Hey, Duo."

Dorothy looked up. "Tro-san! Where'd you come from?"

"The circus."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Just kidding," Trowa added in a deapan. "The front door was open."

"Don't make me go!" Duo begged. "Pleeeaaase!"

Trowa raised an eyebrow. "You _want_ to stay?"

Duo looked around at Wufei, who was glaring daggers at him; Dorothy, who was eyeing him appraisingly; and Relena, who is Relena.

"Nope!" And with that, Duo skipped out of the house.

_The end._


	7. Unintended Bonus

_New Mobile Fruit Chronicle: Gundams Basket_, by Raberba girl

**Part 7 - Unintended Bonus (Episode 1)**

Author's Note: I wrote all this before realizing that I'd goofed and accidentally switched Dorothy and Zechs. Also, this section contains a **major manga spoiler.**

Relena yawned. "Oh, look, I spent the night at the weirdos' house." She suddenly gasped. "AHHH!! MY TENT!! MY STUFF!! IT'S ALL GONE!!"

Dorothy showed up on the porch outside Relena's room. "Relena-sama!"

"Oh no, not you again."

"Look what _I_ have for you!" She held up bags of Relena's stuff.

"Gimme!" Relena cried, reaching for her things.

Dorothy grinned and swung the bags out of reach. "Not until you make a moving, impressive speech!" she declared, her eyes sparkling.

Relena sighed. "Attention, Earth and Space. This is Queen Relena. Everyone be nice to each other, and give each other candy and hugs. Weapons are bad."

Dorothy's silence was rather pointed.

Zechs came up. "By the way, Relena, you're living here from now on."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO."

"Eep! All right!"

"Wonderful! Now you two, go air out Relena's new room so that Wufei can make his debut."

"I don't want Wufei, I want Quatre-chan!" Dorothy insisted.

Annoyed, Zechs pointed out, "Does Quatre resemble Kyo in any way, shape, or form?"

Dorothy frowned. "Grr on you, then!" She swung around and marched off.

None of them noticed the not-mysterious figure perched in a nearby tree. "Feh," it hissed. "Women."

In Relena's new room, Dorothy went over to open a window. "Ah, fresh air! You know, one of the things I really like about Earth is that you can open windows without getting sucked out and crushed in the vacuum of space."

Relena grimaced. "Ugh." Then she looked up in puzzlement as the ceiling began to creak.

BAM!

Someone came flying down amid clouds of plaster and broken wood.

"Aahh!!" Relena shrieked.

"I don't like you, you evil not-Quatre-person," Dorothy mumbled.

Wufei straightened up. "Yo! Fight me, you wishy-washy little--" He blinked. "Hey, you're not Treize!"

"Do I _look_ like Treize-sama?" Dorothy retorted.

"You're a WOMAN!" Wufei insisted.

"Guess what, so is Akito!" Dorothy shot back.

"_She_ told me I would get to fight Treize!" Wufei insisted.

R.girl grinned. "I love you, 'Fei-chan, you're so gullible."

"RAGH!" he roared.


End file.
